The Search Continues

These are search terms that drove people to this blog today:

A Few Notes to Those in Search:

  • We truly hope you find your football guy in Atlanta. I bet he was smoking hot. Or if you ARE the football guy, and you’re just searching for a Craigslist missed connections post about yourself, you really need to find other ways to boost your ego. Try steroids.
  • “Shirt you spent reading this?” Did you lose a shirt in order to read this blog? We salute you. Send us topless pics. Unless you’ve got man boobs.
  • There is a very good chance you will never meet Natalie Portman. But if you do, tell her there’s a chick in Canada who looks like she could be her uglier and less talented cousin and that she should come kick it with me and we’ll drink beer and rap.
  • “I touched my vagina with jalapeno on my hands” – At first, this made me laugh out loud until my co-workers started sending me emails begging me to quit cackling. But then I became concerningly somber. Why? I was once in a grocery store with K. that had a plethora of hot peppers. The selection was so vast and majestic that I become excitable like a small child in a toy store except replace toy store with “aisle full of dangerously spicy peppers” and “small child” with “adult who knows better.” I began running my hands along all the peppers, taking in their shapes, sizes and colours; holding each one up individually and yelling: “K! K! K! K, look at this! It’s a habanero…BUT IT’S YELLOW! K! K….K are you looking? LOOK, K!!!” Then I rubbed my eye. I recovered in the grocery store bathroom (special thanks to the meat department for letting me use their eye wash station), but the emotional scars of this incident have never really left me. Imagining this pain….ON MY VAGINA? Girl. GIRL. I just don’t even know what to say. Blessings be to your coochie.

Again, we’re sorry that you were looking for answers to these crucial life questions and all you stumbled upon was some blog written by two chicks from Canada. To make up for it, here’s a picture of Michael Jackson drinking vodka with midgets.

xo
S. of Pretty Girls Poop Too

6 comments

  1. BAAAAhahahah! That day in Safeway was a gooder. I wish words could express how insanely excited S, was about those peppers. It’s like she had never seen anything like it before, ever.

    In regards to your jalapeno problem, mystery Googler, I think we first need to address why in the sweet hell you are cooking with one hand down your pants. Pick one activity and commit. Or at the very least PLEASE wash your hands before making the mid-way switch, regardless of which one you were doing first.

  2. holy shit! that picture is hilariously awesome. you guys never disappoint me.
    I was thinking about doing a post like this because I’ve noticed some really odd search terms turning up for my blog lately. the term “man’s buttcrack” has generated four views to my blog, and that just makes me sad.
    as for the jalapeno thing- that just cracks me up so hard because I’ve gotten hot sauce in my eye before so I KNOW that shit is painful, but the fact that she was googling that but instead ended up at this blog instead….is just….so funny. like, focus on the matter at hand, lady, and don’t get distracted by the poop girls blog!!

    1. Just the fact that she googled it in the first place is amazing. Things I would think to do before googling: 1) Jump in a bathtub full of milk 2) Grab a warm facecloth and hold it to my hoo-hoo 3) Go to the doctor ……..15) Google it.

  3. Pingback: Dressed to Chill

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