These are search terms that drove people to this blog today:
A Few Notes to Those in Search:
- We truly hope you find your football guy in Atlanta. I bet he was smoking hot. Or if you ARE the football guy, and you’re just searching for a Craigslist missed connections post about yourself, you really need to find other ways to boost your ego. Try steroids.
- “Shirt you spent reading this?” Did you lose a shirt in order to read this blog? We salute you. Send us topless pics. Unless you’ve got man boobs.
- There is a very good chance you will never meet Natalie Portman. But if you do, tell her there’s a chick in Canada who looks like she could be her uglier and less talented cousin and that she should come kick it with me and we’ll drink beer and rap.
- “I touched my vagina with jalapeno on my hands” – At first, this made me laugh out loud until my co-workers started sending me emails begging me to quit cackling. But then I became concerningly somber. Why? I was once in a grocery store with K. that had a plethora of hot peppers. The selection was so vast and majestic that I become excitable like a small child in a toy store except replace toy store with “aisle full of dangerously spicy peppers” and “small child” with “adult who knows better.” I began running my hands along all the peppers, taking in their shapes, sizes and colours; holding each one up individually and yelling: “K! K! K! K, look at this! It’s a habanero…BUT IT’S YELLOW! K! K….K are you looking? LOOK, K!!!” Then I rubbed my eye. I recovered in the grocery store bathroom (special thanks to the meat department for letting me use their eye wash station), but the emotional scars of this incident have never really left me. Imagining this pain….ON MY VAGINA? Girl. GIRL. I just don’t even know what to say. Blessings be to your coochie.
Again, we’re sorry that you were looking for answers to these crucial life questions and all you stumbled upon was some blog written by two chicks from Canada. To make up for it, here’s a picture of Michael Jackson drinking vodka with midgets.
S. of Pretty Girls Poop Too