Things That Keep Me Up At Night

  • Do people still own waterbeds?
  • Did I put my mozzarella ball back in the fridge?
  • I should teach myself HTML.
  • Who was the first chick to ever get a pap? Imagine being that chick. JUST IMAGINE.
  • What kind of person would I be if the Internet was never invented? More well-read? Less funny? FUNNIER?! Longer attention span? Sheltered? Would I have a better memory? Flawless cursive?
  • Fuck, tampons are really expensive. Dudes don’t get that. They just don’t get it.
  • What did Beyonce and Jay-Z do on their first date?
  • I’m 80% sure I didn’t put that mozzarella back.
  • What’s the backstory behind applause?
  • Should I get bangs? It’s probably too humid for bangs. But I see girls with bangs. How do they do it?
  • Why do people tweet pictures of their brunch so fucking much? WOOOO. EGGS. AWESOME.
  • I should tweet that.
  • Kevin Hart’s standup comedy.

Yours in sweaty insomnia,


    1. K. and I just recently had a very heated email debate with two of our other friends about whether or not you should attempt to cut your own bangs. I’ll be using this comment to further prove my righteousness. Thanks nova!

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