- Do people still own waterbeds?
- Did I put my mozzarella ball back in the fridge?
- I should teach myself HTML.
- Who was the first chick to ever get a pap? Imagine being that chick. JUST IMAGINE.
- What kind of person would I be if the Internet was never invented? More well-read? Less funny? FUNNIER?! Longer attention span? Sheltered? Would I have a better memory? Flawless cursive?
- Fuck, tampons are really expensive. Dudes don’t get that. They just don’t get it.
- What did Beyonce and Jay-Z do on their first date?
- I’m 80% sure I didn’t put that mozzarella back.
- What’s the backstory behind applause?
- Should I get bangs? It’s probably too humid for bangs. But I see girls with bangs. How do they do it?
- Why do people tweet pictures of their brunch so fucking much? WOOOO. EGGS. AWESOME.
- I should tweet that.
- Kevin Hart’s standup comedy.
- GOD DAMMIT IT IS HOT AS A BITCH
Yours in sweaty insomnia,