Things I Forgot I Hated About Dating

  • Having to shave your legs with alarming regularity.
  • Those first few dates when you’re getting to know each other and shit and you end up telling the same stories that you’ve told over and over again, which make you start to think Wait, these stories are exactly why I’m single aren’t they?  Quick – exaggerate. Or just leave out details.  Or better yet – stop talking. And then I just choke on my wine and/or knock something over.
  • The way dating reignites your uncontrollable, all-consuming HATRED for your entire wardrobe.
  • Texting. Because it’s either: Why hasn’t this guy texted me yet? What did he mean by that? Why did it take him 4.5 hours to write back a one word answer? THIS GUY IS NOT TEXTING ME ENOUGH. Or it’s just Holy fuck, WHY WON’T THIS GUY STOP TEXTING ME.
  • Dating is expensive, yo! When you’re not the type of chick who lets the man pick up the bill on every date (if any at all), this shit adds up. I need to start suggesting we do inexpensive activities rather than ‘going out for drinks’ such as: drinking booze in alleys, going for a nice evening stroll (to the liquor store), playing Scrabble at my house (with wine) or the least expensive out of them all — making out.
  • Assholes. Like the kind of asshole who meets you for drinks and assumes that he’s going to be coming up to your place afterward, so he gets wasted even though he has to drive all the way home (to his parents house, by the way). Have fun waiting in the parking lot sobering up in your car, ASSHOLE.
  • Still having to worry about whether or not you’re giving it up too fast, too early or too drunkenly. It’s 2011 and we are women. If you feel like getting tipsy and letting a man grope you inappropriately on the first date – you go ahead and let that man cop a feel. But not even kissing for the first few dates feels really nice sometimes too. As long as you feel comfortable with him and he deserves it, don’t let some bullshit game of numbers dictate what you do.
  • But really though, I’ve only been on like… two dates.

S.

9 comments

  1. Oh my gosh. Just found your blog. Just in time to un-wittly profess how much I love and empathize with this post. Except for one tiny point… it’s the frequency of shaving whilst in a relationship that confounds me! With dating, I generally have some forewarning about when someone might try to sexily rub my legs which are liable to have 5 o’clock shadow. In a relationship? A lot more difficult to schdule your shaving around naked time.

    1. Damn, that’s a good point Hannah. Until you get to the point in the relationship where the comfort level is borderline disgusting and you let that shit grow real long for no reason. And you think: “Oh just LET this mothafucka comment on my leg hair…”

      Love is so fun.

    1. And you know exactly when those occasions are! DOUBLE YAY! Too bad everything else about a long-distance relationship kinda sucks ass…

  2. Lady I know how you feel. Why do you think I’m blogging about the whole experience. Keep kissing the frogs, the prince is inside there somewhere.

  3. Greetings, I’m happy to read your blogs. I was referred to your site by giftsdating.com as there is a post which mentioned your site. You did a great job! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m looking forward to more works from you.

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