I’ve been blowing my nose so much I look like a coke addict, save for the extra 15lbs I’m carrying around. My head feels like it’s trying to escape from itself. Which, obviously, IT CAN’T, so it just feels like it’s in a vice made of steel and pressure. It’s like I’m eighty million leagues under the sea. It feels like Bristol Palin is sitting on my head.
YEAH I SAID IT. Cuz I’m sick, bitch, and when you’re sick you can get away with stuff. While I’m at it, I also want the following:
- Seasons 1-3 of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
- A DVD player that works.
- And this guy to come rub Vicks Vapor Rub all over my boobies:
So that’s all you get from me today. Apologies. Especially since Miguel and I have business to go attend to. I’ll leave you with his latest video, which is obviously about me and almost as good as having him rub on your boobies. But totally not even close.