I’m a Commercial, Bitch.

Commercials are the baddest motherfuckers on the planet.

They barge into your regularly scheduled programming to blast your subconscious with eighty reasons why your life is subpar in just under two minutes, then throw you right back into your show like NOTHING HAPPENED. You just continue on, watching your Criminal Minds marathon, but now with the intense inclination that you need to dye your hair and buy new Tupperware. NOW.

If that wasn’t bad enough, it seems that commercials have developed another plan of attack in order to keep us hoes in check – assaulting our senses by being THREE TIMES AS FUCKING LOUD AS WHATEVER YOU’RE WATCHING.

Imagine if you tried pulling that shit. Maybe it’s key to getting anything you want out of life. The next time I’m discussing going to lunch with a friend, I’m going to start yelling at the top of my lungs..

YOU WANT A VIETNAMESE SUB. YOU WANT A VIETNAMESE SUB BECAUSE IT’S THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL BE PRETTY AND SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE. VIETNAMESE SUBS ARE WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY. LET’S GO. RIGHT NOW. SUB. FROM VIETNAM. IN YOUR MOUTH.

S.

3 comments

  1. OMG! S you just made my day. The ex and I used to call them the “shouty” commercials in Australia all the time. Hated them with a passion. You hit the nail on the head.

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