It’s been a while since our last installment of If You Had To, so why not make it a good one. And by “good one” I mean I’m going to ruin your appetite for days.
Here we go!
First of all – your choice doesn’t actually matter because you’re a woman and therefore HAVE NO CHOICES IN LIFE, YOU USELESS WHORE. Second – you’re fat.
That being said, let’s take a good look at this scenario.
My pick is Mel Gibson. Why? Because Mel Gibson used to look like this:
Hot. And we’ve all dated hot assholes before. It’s thrilling. One minute you feel like the luckiest girl in the world, getting to mash your face into his, the next you’re doing the ugly cry in your car at 3am after he drunkenly kicks you out of your place. But you love him because he’s “so spontaneous!”
Mel has been in the limelight since 1979. That hardens a man. Not that there’s any excuse for domestic violence and pure, unabashed misogyny…but it leads me to the thesis of my argument.
Spencer Pratt is only 27 years old. And he’s famous for NOTHING. And he persuaded his “wife” to turn herself into this:
So if that’s what he’s capable of at 27…just imagine what he’ll be like at Mel’s age. Terrifying.
(Plus, his flesh-coloured beard is disgusting.)