I love the way commercials portray cats and their owners. Cute, fluffy creatures that happily rub themselves all over their owners in appreciation for yet another delicious and meaty meal. Lots of love and snuggles and kisses…
For just one week, I wish that commercials actually mimicked real life. Then they would more accurately portray the horrifying moments I share with my cat, when he decides that HE HAS HAD ENOUGH PETTING FOR NOW THANK YOU VERY MUCH and suddenly begins to claw the shit out of my arm and/or face. But hey – we all love our asshole cats. So feed them. Preferably this cat food.
Mascara commercials would show the stupid and hilarious faces that girls make while applying mascara in the mirror, and not a set of blatantly fake eyelashes. You look like an idiot while you put it on, but you’ll look at least a bit hotter afterwards. Use our stuff!
Diaper commercials would show an exhausted mother with a screaming, crying infant with weird liquid-infant-poop all over the place. Babies are loud and sometimes annoying. But our diapers are relatively cheap and you need them.
Commercials for booze would show a girl getting all dressed up for a night out, falling down the stairs outside the club, sending inappropriate drunk texts to her ex-boyfriend, aggressively yelling at a cab driver and then waking up the next morning with a half-eaten piece of late-night pizza still resting on her stomach. Booze – it makes you go full retard for a few hours but it sure is fun. Drink this shit.
I should be in advertising.