Things that men are not allowed to complain about.

1) Not being able to gain weight.

It’s one thing to bitch and whine with your gym buddies about how you just can’t gain those last 15lbs of muscle and how your new protein shakes are making you have to poop. But when a woman says: “I want to lose 10lbs” it is never – I repeat NEVER – okay to retort with: “Aw man, I wish I could gain 10lbs in a few weeks….you’re lucky.”

EVER.

2) Having a stomach ache.

Oh poor baby. Your tummy hurts? Well no shit. Your last six meals consisted of nothing but various forms of steak. Maybe you should try eating a fucking vegetable every once in a while. You know what really hurts? CRAMPS. Holler at me when you have a hernia.

3) Their feet hurting.

Until you spend 6 hours awkwardly trying to balance yourself/walk/god forbid DANCE in these:

Your feet will never truly hurt. So loosen up the laces on your Nikes, or stop wearing thong sandals because guys don’t look good in thong sandals, or suck it up for one night out in actual dress shoes that may be a wee bit more constricting than your usual ratty sneakers and STFU.

(PS – I really like these, actually.)

4) Having a bad hair day.

Seriously? YOU HAVE A BUZZ CUT.

I have to deal with this:

At least it smells nice.

And that’s my real hair. God forbid I were to get extensions or a weave. You think you’re having a bad hair day because you ran out of AXE hair gel? SOME WOMEN (Britney Spears) ARE FARMING ALIEN BABIES IN THEIR HAIR:

AHHHHHHHHHH

Really though, I’m just ranting for the sake of blog material. I love you boys.

But suck it up.

S.

5 comments

  1. Britneys picrues is caused by having hair extensions improperly fitted. I fit them for a living and know a bad job when I see one. She has had too many keratin tipped glue extensions when she should have alternated between glue, pre-taped, and micro links so stop the matted look and precent hair loss!

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