I love rap music. I really do.
I love the conscious, lyrical shit that makes you rewind it eight times just to catch all the double-entendres and I love the offensive, ignorant shit that makes me feel worthless simply for being a woman.
But rappers these days are lazy, which makes me mad because I’m lazy too and I don’t get millions of dollars for it. But whatever. To prove this, I’d like to take a moment to break down the lyrical complexity behind a popular song – B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars – “Nothing on You.”
Let’s take a look at the second verse, shall we?
Hands down there will never be another one
I been around and I never seen another one
Another what? We’re so non-descriptive these days that we can’t even refer to women as broads, bitches or hoes anymore? They’re just…ONES? I like the way he rhymed “one” with “one” as well. Deep.
Because your style I ain’t really got nothin’ on
And you wild when you ain’t got nothing on
What the fuck does this even mean? Did we seriously just rhyme one + one + on + on? Artists, I beg you. PLEASE JUST FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND – TRY.
Baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxes
And you keep it real while them other stay plastic
So this chick has impressed you because she’s the whole package. Cool. But wait! There’s more. She pays her taxes. Congratulations on following standard rules of modern civilization, bitch.
You’re my Wonder Woman call me Mr. Fantastic
Stop.. now think about it
I don’t know if B.o.B should be encouraging people to think about his lyrics too much because if they do, they might realize that Wonder Woman and Mr. Fantastic have NO RELATION TO ONE ANOTHER AT ALL. In fact, they’re characters from two entirely separate comic companies – DC and Marvel, respectively.
I give up. But I still sing the song in my car.