Why You Should Just Go Ahead and Name Your Kid Justin

Face it – we’ve all thought about what we would or absolutely would not name our kids once we have them. This is usually based on whatever association we have with that name. For example, there is no way in hell I will ever have a child named: Tracy, Alicia, Sara, Graham, Peter or Geoff (no offense to all of the Tracy’s, Alicia’s, Sara’s, Graham’s, Peter’s and Geoff’s out there, but you should know that at least one of each of you is a giant nugget).

However I propose that we stop thinking about what we like as a name, and start thinking about what would make our kids ultimately successful. I have come to the conclusion that regardless of gender, you should just go right ahead and name it Justin. Fuck if they’re twins name them both Justin. Think about it:



Justin Long, an underrated Justin, but famous nonetheless. Plus he gets to bang Drew Barrymore, which is pretty fucking cool.


Okay, so … maybe I just proved myself wrong.



BONUS! S. and I will personally ship you an autographed 8 x 10 glossy of us and no less than $30 (Canadian) worth of coupons to Papa John’s Pizza if you end up naming your kids after us.

One comment

  1. i used to think that about “Michael” when i was in elementary school …. remember michael jackson, michael jordon, michael chang … no, not chang? HE WAS THE TENNIS PLAYER WITH SHOES THAT HAD HIS SIGNATURE ON ‘EM? that’s right, how cool was that??

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