Life Lessons You Can Learn From Maury

  • Every story has two sides. And more often than not, one of those sides is horribly obese and yells a lot.
  • Whatever you say can, and will, be used against you by your mother-in-law.
  • If someone is bothering you, just move your chair a little bit away from them. Problem solved.
  • No matter how many pounds you gain, how many teeth you lose, how uneducated you are or how shamefully atrocious your general hygiene is – there is a man out there who will hump you.
  • You need a job. (This is maybe more for me rather than you.)
  • Sometimes it only takes five words to change your life:



  1. Another lesson: You do not currently, nor will you ever, know me. It is best to inform people of this while they’re booing.

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