Right now it’s -24 degrees. There’s a lot to hate about that. The pandemonium that it causes on the roads, the way it makes my face hurt when I’m only outside for 2 minutes letting my dog pee, the disgusting sinus colds it infects the general population with….etc. Pretty typical stuff. But there’s a few other things that I desperately hate about winter:
- I hate the fact that you can see people’s breath. Especially when I’m walking behind them and have no choice but to walk right through it. As far as I’m concerned, we could have just made out. I just inhaled your essence. I could see it! And yes, I’m fully aware that even when you can’t see people’s breath you’re still walking through it.
- There is no winter jacket that can keep you warm in -30 and still make you look cute. The only way to truly stay warm is to dress like you’re an obese homeless man.
- It’s dark by 4:30pm. That’s a pretty typical thing to hate about winter but I hate it because it gives me about 5 extra hours to trip over things.
- Chucks are not Arctic-appropriate footwear.
- Why won’t winter just let my skin be great?
But seriously. Fuck winter.
The good news is that it’s supposed to be +3 degrees here on Wednesday, so be prepared to see me dancing down the street like this.