Thanks and Spanks

I didn’t write a blog post when it was actually Thanksgiving here, but I’m going to write one now that it’s Thanksgiving down in Canada’s Underpants. Don’t blame me, blame Canada.

Regardless of whether or not your country raped and pillaged the land belonging to a large group of indigenous people and then had a big feast to celebrate it, we should all take more time to stop and reflect on what we’re thankful for.

(Note: If you’re wondering if it’s appropriate to use this American holiday as an excuse to eat until you can’t feel your face or your feelings, we’re here to tell you that FUCK YES IT IS.)

I would like to give thanks to:

  • Vodka and Red Bull
  • The Internet (Because honestly, how fucking boring was life before it?)
  • Sarcasm
  • Doing things like this to my dog:
  • Whoever invented mouth wash
  • New underwear
  • The way your Mom is obligated to love you even when you’re an asshole
  • The Oatmeal
  • Hand sanitizer
  • The amount of natural hilarity found in humans, like when we fall down
  • Inside jokes
  • The advantages given in life to those with vaginas
  • Stupid people who make me feel smarter
  • Skinny mirrors that make me feel less fat

And lastly…

  • Everyone who reads this blog for making me feel less alone in my incredible ability to be socially inappropriate and awkward

That’s as sentimental as I’m going to get, you sensitive bitches.


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