Things That Automatically Make You Feel Like An Asshole

  • When kids do more charity stuff than you.
  • Laughing when people fall.
  • Silently hating the obese person beside you in the movie theatre for breathing so loud.
  • Physically running into a restaurant so you can beat the family of 6 that just pulled up in the parking lot.
  • Assuming that everyone who uses “u” and “r” instead of “you” and “are” are functionally retarded.
  • Being excited at the thought of your friend breaking up with a guy so you can have more time with her.
  • Not giving a homeless guy change because you’re saving it for a Slurpee so you don’t have to break a $10.
  • And most importantly, not really feeling like an asshole when you do any of these things.


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