If you’re looking to read a recap of the Oscars, chances are you probably didn’t have the patience to sit through the entire thing. So, using my super-human deducing abilities (a.k.a Woman Logic), chances are you don’t want to sit through any long-winded recaps of the awards either. So here it goes in 8 easy points!
1) Kate Winslet is my BFF, she just doesn’t know it yet. Her dad is runner up for the position.
2) Jessica Biel needs to fire her stylist immediately. Looking like a droopy picnic table and shit..
3) I saw Beyonce’s hips….but where the hell did her thighs go?!
4) Bollywood is about to take over the world. Jai Ho!
5) Hugh Jackman sang a lot.
6) Sean Penn called everyone “commie, homo-loving sons of guns.” Sweet.
7) Ben Stiller did the most amazing Joaquin Phoenix impression I’ve ever seen. Natalie Portman is hot.
8 ) Will Smith said “boom goes the dynamite” and therefore, made my fucking night.
DONE! How easy was that?